Dear Deani,
Please help me before I lose what little patience I have left! My problem is that my daughter just got her permit. Of course, as you can imagine, she is 15 and knows everything! I know you have teenagers and we can relate in this situation, so I know that YOU know that EVERY time we get in the car it starts out pretty good then inevitably ends in a screaming match! I need some advice on how to CALMLY teach her to be a good driver? (And do you know what route takes me strait to hell? Will I pass any liquor stores?)
Signed, Tucker Weaver
Dear Tucker,
You know what I think? I think babies are so cute and cuddly so we are TRICKED into having them… because when they reach the teenage years, the cuteness is gone and the REAL fun begins. Yep, you’re right, we have two teenage daughters. One who has her license (talk about nerve racking! I thought I was gonna chew my fingers off at the first knuckle every time we drove together) and now one who is preparing for Drivers Ed (mind you, the last time I let her drive from this driveway to the neighbor’s driveway, we met a car and she headed STRAIT for the ditch in full throttle… how in the hell my car got out of THAT mess is beyond me, all I can figure is I had a little “feel pity angel” on my shoulders cutting me some slack so I didn’t have to hear the tongue lashing from my husband on why I’d let her drive to begin with).
Now, my favorite part (note: insert sarcasm here) of teens with permits is the “Dad can I drive? Nadine can I drive? When can I drive? I can go slow! I know how to drive! YOU NEVER LET ME DRIVE!” Now my husband and I always planned our errands around when the kids were gone so we didn’t have to hear the countless begging until we cracked (p.s. we always crack, don’t kid yourselves). In their heads (in their defense, not that I wanna DEFEND them, but for benefit of the doubt purposes) it’s new, and it’s fun, and they just wanna drive… for OUR sake, we don’t have control over the vehicle when our teens are behind the wheel, and I’m sorry, but didn’t the movie Daytona Nights just come out a couple years ago where they actually LAUGH about fender benders? Ok, enough said there…
Listen, Tucker… you gotta hear me out. Let the kid drive. And give me a break, can’t you yell louder than her? I mean, if she starts in, tell her that if she EVER wants to practice driving again in YOUR presence, she’d better zip her upper lip or she’s gonna walk from point A to point B because NEED YOU REMIND HER that she is driving YOUR car, and YOUR fingers hurt from chewing your nails, and WOULD IT KILL HER to cut you some slack on the nervousness?! Throw some guilt in there; you know how to do it… How you hope she has a daughter JUST like her and when SHE has to go through this mess, she’d better not call you for any advice. And chucking a good ol’ threat in there is good too… “If you want ONE BIT of help getting your OWN car, I’d shut your mouth and let me help you, or the closest thing you’ll have to show your license for, is your new “huffy davidson” 10-speed bicycle! NOW DRIVE NORMAL, DAMNIT!”
May the Lord have mercy on your soul… Amen
