Dear Deani:

My husband and I were high school sweethearts. We married fresh out of high school and in the past 14 years we have created a family of four by welcoming our two children into our lives. I thought our marriage was picture perfect. We had play dates with the kids, supper dates with the adults and we always juggled families equally at the holidays. This past winter I noticed my husband was very standoffish. I figured it was the normal hubbub of our ordinary lives and I brushed it aside. Then I got curious when he completely became “turned off” by our family life, and I noticed some things and I began my investigation. I found that my husband has been cheating on me with a younger girl (I am only in my 40s, I thought I was still considered a “younger model!”). I feel that our entire marriage is gone as all trust has been broken. What did I do wrong? I thought I was the perfect model wife & mother. Please give me your “Two Sense” as your Dear Deani column has a way of cheering us all up! I have decided our marriage is over and I’m certainly filing for divorce without question, so let me have it! Signed: Sally I. Knewitt

Dear Sally:

Oh you poor thing! I mean, it’s these kinds of stories jerk my heart strings. I don’t understand (nor do 99% of the divorcees in our world) what provokes a man (or a woman, in this case it’s a man, but to all the men reading this ready to choke me, YES WOMEN CHEAT TOO! Probably just as much, but at the moment we’re talking about a man, now where was I…) to ruin his entire marriage and lifestyle for a moment of adventure. I personally believe that people just take advantage of what they have in life, and they don’t think about anything but the moment. Did he think about his wife when he cheated? No. Obviously not. You did NOTHING wrong! He thought about one thing. The moment.

Sally honey, listen up. I’m not gonna sugar coat this for you one bit. The man had his chance at “happily ever after” and he threw it away. He does NOT deserve a second chance. A real man wouldn’t NEED a second chance. There are many men out there waiting to find a woman who they can love for the rest of their lives. So many men who would die for a family of four. Your husband deserves no pity. If he was careless enough to throw it all away for an affair, then he is careless enough to suffer the consequences. Now, hike your tail feathers to the court house tomorrow and get the papers. If you’ve already decided it’s over, then pack his bags and give him the papers. If the boy was smart (I say boy because a man wouldn’t have pulled this stunt) he’d get in touch with a marriage councilor, a shrink, a doctor (hello!) and a lawyer.

Now, while you are mad at him, his kids are not. Don’t make this nasty, the kids deserve better from both you and him. They deserve an explanation and a sit down talk with both of you. If you were playing the role of good parents, you would see that they are owed a smooth-as-possible ride through all this. Discuss visitation amongst yourselves, and discuss being civil. He broke your heart, it hurt, get over it, pick up the pieces and move one. I’m gonna save you years of heartache and pain. It’s over because he thought the grass was greener on the other side. I don’t think he’ll see much grass from his one bedroom apartment that he rents over the top of music store. Good luck, darling. You deserve better than this, Sally. Go find yourself a lion and dump that cheetah! “A lion would never cheat on his mate, but a Tiger Wood”